You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
