so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
