Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
