you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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