Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
