whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
