I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
