i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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