Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
