We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
