so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
