so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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