mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
