I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
