I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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