Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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