I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
