he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
