wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
