Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
