tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
