NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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