I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
