Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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