Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
