we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
