names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
