Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
