I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
