You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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