Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
