I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
