Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my fart just growled at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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