i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
