She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
