Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
