My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
