I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
