i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
