yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They took my balls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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