why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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