I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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