Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
