38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
