My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
