oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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