I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
