In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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