i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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