I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
