Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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